its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There r osticjed everywhere
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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