the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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