I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
