Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It was like getting head from an anaconda
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
