Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
