i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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