I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize