My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
