I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
