Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
zippers are such a cool invention
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
