If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
