I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We need to rekindle our bromance
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
