i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
