She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
