mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
