i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
too bad you live with your parents still
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
