I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
