So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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