She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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