Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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