Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
