careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
