I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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