Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
