This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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