I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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