Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
