i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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