I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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