so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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