i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
