I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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