You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
...so i touched it.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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