do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
