So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
