By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
