I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
