she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
