Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
