im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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