First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
