Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
