we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
