i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
