I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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