My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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