I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
