and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
