You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
