you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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