Too much gin, very little bucket
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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