I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
