My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
