dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
