I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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