I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
