At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
