HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
