He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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