listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
