i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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