she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
