I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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