you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
