I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
