I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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