when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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