oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
