need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
