Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
