please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I have already put on my inside pants.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
