Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize