im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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