so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
