I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
