What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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